My hands shook as I thought about what had just conspired. I knew what I had to do. I knew I had to be honest. It was going to be one of the most difficult things I’d ever done. I knew I was going to hurt someone that I cared for. I might not have been in love with him anymore but I still cared for him. I still appreciated the way he and his family had been there for me when I had no one. But I couldn’t deny that I had strong feelings for somebody else any longer...
I flashbacked to nine months prior when I had seen Ron for the first time. Within weeks of knowing him I couldn’t get him out of my head. I had tried over and over to suppress these feelings- I mean I hardly knew this guy and he was completely different than anyone I’d ever known before... but the longer I saw him every day at work, the more intense my feelings for him got. There were so many times I wished I could just end things with the relationship I had outgrown and wasn’t happy in but I knew I had to wait until I graduated, turned 18, and would be able to get my own apartment.
I felt sick to my stomach in guilt for having to hurt someone I cared about. But I couldn’t lie to myself any longer... and I knew I deserved to be genuinely happy. It took hours to fall asleep as I pondered what I would do the next day. Would I have to move back in with my mom? Where would I go once I told him? Eventually I passed out of of sheer exhaustion. ———
I woke up with a pit in my stomach. Today would be the day... I’d have to break up with my boyfriend. The night before I had finally given in to my infatuation and texted Ron. We had talked for hours until he had to go to sleep for his kung fu competition the next day. This was our first time ever talking outside of brief conversations at work and I now knew that I wanted to see where things went and give in to the strong feelings I’d been having for him for months. I had to work in the morning and could text him more at work... but when I got home I would have to end things with my boyfriend. I felt guilty already even though I hadn’t even seen Ron in person since we’d talked. We texted all day at work and when I got home I told my boyfriend we needed to talk.
It was a painful conversation, with many tears shed. He was completely blindsided even though I had made it quite clear that I hadn’t been happy for several months. He immediately went into attack mode and started telling me I would never amount to anything and be a drug addict. Eventually I told him enough was enough and he needed to leave me be and give me a week to move out. By the time I got to text Ron and tell him I’d ended things with my boyfriend it was late... I fell asleep wondering what on Earth was next... but grateful that I had stayed true to myself and done what I knew was right even though I had no idea what it would lead to.
The next day at work I confided in my closest friend who had known all about my feelings for Ron for months now.. she was extremely empathetic and offered to help me in any way I needed, including letting me come stay with her if I needed to get away. With my now ex-boyfriend blowing up my phone all day with negative text messages, I knew that would probably be best. After I got off work that night I went home and packed a bag and went to stay with her for the night.
We talked a bit and eventually went to bed because we both had to work in the morning. Tomorrow Ron would be back from Orlando and at work in the evening... I was so nervous and excited to see him. I had no idea what to expect.
It was a Monday the next day and a slow one. I found myself running back to the kitchen every chance I got. When I finally got the chance to talk to Ron alone I was practically shaking and so red in nerves! I had no idea why, I had never been this overwhelmed to talk to a guy before... especially one I already knew! My heart was pounding. He offered to give me a ride to my friends house after work and I eagerly accepted.
When I got in his car later that evening I tried to play it cool. We talked a bit and by the time we got to my friends he was quick to put his arm around me. When he pulled me closer to him it felt so comforting and reassuring. I could tell he was very aware of my nerves and really wanted to make me calmer. We all sat outside and talked for a bit and then eventually my friend went in for the night. We wandered our way over to her trampoline and laid down and stared up at the stars. I told Ron I wanted to know all about him so we took turns sharing our life stories and just pouring our hearts out to each other.
I finally understood why for months I hadn’t been able to get this guy out of my head. I had been so intrigued by him and yearned to know more about him. I’ve always been attracted to those that are more interesting and individual. Those who clearly knew themselves and their passions and that was definitely Ron. While others may have been taken aback by his dreadlocks, plant based diet, and passion for gardening- I on the other hand wanted to learn all about these and found him so interesting.
As it got later and later he asked me what I planned on doing as far as my living situation. I told him I’d probably have to lease an apartment with my mom as she was also looking for a new place at the same time.
“Come live with me,” he said. “Are you sure?!” I was taken aback by his quick proposal. “If we are going to be dating anyways we might as well get to see each other all the time. And I’d hate for you to have to pay so much in rent,” was his reply. It didn’t take much to convince me as I knew I was head over heels for him already. As the night got closer to morning, we were both getting tired. He asked if I wanted to go home with him and I of course said yes. I had no idea then that it would be my first time stepping foot in my new home that I’d later raise our son in.