Storytime! Learning to accept what happens in life, even if it goes against my plans.
I always imagined I’d go to college.
Growing up I loved school. I was naturally passionate about reading and learning so I excelled and school was very easy for me. I wound up at a gifted school with a heavy emphasis on college prep from grades 6 to 10. The older I got, the more chaotic my home life became, and the more I began to suffer from chronic depression. My performance and attention in school suffered as a side effect. I developed severe social anxiety after being on 4-5 different antidepressants, and by my junior year of high school I was skipping school several days a week simply to avoid the anxiety attacks.
As senior year rolled around, I felt my longtime dreams of moving to a faraway state I’d never been to, and going to an elite college in the city start to fade away and instead I was faced with the reality that I wasn’t going to be able to achieve this. That reality had hit a long time ago really, but the closer I got to graduation, the more I began to panic.
You see I had always imagined turning eighteen as the milestone to where my life would change for good. I couldn’t stand living at home with my parents in our toxic household and had started counting down the days till my eighteenth birthday at twelve. Eighteen would be the day that I got to move out, go off to college, and finally be free.
But as my eighteenth birthday neared I realized I had already moved out almost two years prior and was not yet enrolled for college anywhere.
I felt like a failure as I watched my peers at school get accepted into Ivy Leagues and prestigious universities while I hadn’t even finished my application to community college. Where was I going with my life? What did I want to do? What could I become passionate about that I would actually want to invest the tens of thousands of dollars and years of my life into learning? For the past two years I had spent so much more time working than at school and couldn’t fathom forcing myself to study things I had no interest in any longer. I also had realized you could make $25-30+ an hour waiting tables in the town I lived in easily so it was becoming harder to rationalize the amount I’d have to pay out of my own pocket with no financial support to go to college.
While I was stressing over what would happen, God had been at work all along preparing me for the momentous decision I would have to make shortly before my eighteenth birthday. You see he had brought someone extremely special into my life. In my heart and spirit I knew this person was special from the moment I met him but in my mind I had no choice but to fight it. Until I turned 18 and graduated I couldn’t leave my high school boyfriend I was no longer aligned with because I would have no where to live. Going back to live with my parents was no longer even an option as my mother had finally split up with my stepdad and was in the process of being evicted from the house they had shared. My only option was to wait and see what would happen.
For months romantic tension had been brewing between Ron and I as we worked together. We didn’t speak much but would lock eyes several times a shift while working and it was evident we both could sense the energy and connection between the two of us. I knew that he spent just as much time thinking of me late at night as I did him because he’d scroll through all my old Facebook photos late at night and like them... It was a few days before my eighteenth birthday and he did just that one night after work. My heart was pounding as I saw the notifications cross my screen and had the impulse to message him.
“Heyy,” I typed into messenger “What’s up?” he quickly replied. “I can’t stop thinking about you,” was the most honest and truthful answer I could think of and finally was brave enough to admit.... We wound up talking into the early morning hours, I ended things with my boyfriend the next day, moved in with Ron not long after, and the rest is history.
Through Ron I was introduced to my passion- natural plant-based living. With Ron, I was blessed with a baby who has forever changed my life and helped me to grow in ways I never imagined. It was Ron who motivated and empowered me to start my own business, and has completely supported me through that journey. It’s Ron who remains patient and understanding as I work through painful childhood traumas and heal. It was Ron who inspired me to start pursuing a relationship with God again and freeing myself from the demons that have manipulated me for far too long.
Through the love and changes that Ron has brought into my life I see once again how God works through people. I see how God always has a far better plan than anything you could dream up. I see that I must always have faith and trust in HIM because he’s always looking out for me.