As a young girl, I loved stories. I used books as an escape from my chaotic family life and lived vicariously through them. I would write stories, journaling from a young age, and had dreams of one day being an author. I spent a lot of time thinking of my story- telling it over and over again in my head. I really clung to that story and saw it as an essential part of my identity. I saw my early childhood and past as something that would define and restrict the rest of my life. I struggled with self-identity, so I used my experiences in life thus far as my identity. This was a huge mistake.
When you rely on life experiences to define yourself and who you are, you have little to no control. Inevitably you will come to define yourself negatively because you’ll experience (what seems like) negative situations throughout life. When we let negative situations- especially ones we don’t have control over- define us, we give away the control we did have- the control over how we proceed when faced with adversity.
Letting my past define me meant one thing- that I was always focused on my past. Always thinking about the traumas of my early childhood. Always thinking about my father who had passed away. Always thinking about all the times I had been put down and belittled by my step-father. I was always focused on the things I couldn’t control. I felt so powerless and like a victim to circumstance.
A victim to circumstance I was, there was no denying it. I was a child and had little to no control over the majority of traumatic experiences I had. What I could have control over though, was every moment I was living. I could influence my future positively if I chose to live in the present. If I chose to let go of past pain and focus on my current reality, I would have found healing so much sooner. However just like I know the traumas of my early childhood happened for a reason, I know every step of my journey to healing has happened exactly how it was meant to as well.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my short twenty years of life it’s that EVERYTHING happens for a reason. There is no such thing as a coincidence. The hardest moments in my life brought forth the biggest lessons. The biggest loss in my life guided me towards a connection with God and deep spiritual healing. The darkest moments I experienced have helped me to see the light. When you accept that everything happens for a reason, it becomes so much easier to finally let go of past pain.